Saturday, August 27, 2011

Twelfth Session of August

6:57, +$106.00

I sat down for another lovely session at Nautica on Friday afternoon. Nothing really exciting happened at my table other than the fact that I had a constant trickle of action players bless me with their hyper aggressiveness throughout the evening. Let me expand on these mother fuckers if I may;

 Bug Eyed European; This guy leans forward and stares at you after he makes a bet to the point that his eyes look like they’re ready to pop out. Just recently he started wearing shades so somebody must have mentioned something to him about that tell. B.E.E. is a total LAG and you really do want him at your table because he gives unlimited retarded action.

 Kai; His name rhymes with “eye” and he is a 2-5 player but for some reason he sat at my 1-2 table for a while and he actually played pretty straight forward. I was kinda disappointed because he was sitting on my right and I had plans for this Vietnamese LAG tard but it just never happened.

EC; If you don’t know who this guy is, then you aren’t a Nautica regular. He is black, bald and a total lunatic with a big ass bankroll. He sat two to the right of me and played nothing like his hyper aggressive self. What the fuck is going on here? Is there a full moon tonight or what? I almost fell off my chair when they called his name to a 2-5 table and he said he will stay where he is. In fact, I almost asked him if he was on dope or something.

Victor; This short, skinny, Portuguese speaking donkey has diarrhea of the mouth and slows up action with his A.D.D. issues. He gets out of his seat so often that I started calling him “”Walk Around”. However, he does give action and rarely leaves with chips to cash out. This little punk kid looks to be in his late twenties but acts and talks like he is a pro wrestler the way he puffs out his chest and chatters to players at the table. He also acts like he is being recorded for a WSOP event when he “hollywoods” during a big decision and it really gets old after a while. Regardless, Victor is a player you want at your table because he makes a lot of mistakes and he will pay you off if you can wait for the right hand to play back at him.

DEB; I talked about this fucker in earlier posts and he isn’t so much of an action player as he is a chasing, call station, payoff wizard. He paid me off in the one hand we got involved in when I was dealt 1010 on the button and raised to $15.00 in a limped pot. DEB called and we saw a flop of 2-2-J. I c-bet $25.00 and he called. I immediately put him either on a deuce, a jack or a pocket pair. Nothing else, no fucking way! I knew that my hand needed to improve before I would put more chips in the middle so I checked the 4c on the turn. When a ten hit the river, I paused to make it look like I was trying to buy the pot and pushed my last $110.00 towards the middle without looking up. I KNEW he was going to call! He tabled AJ and turned red as fuck because he realized the horrible mistake he made in letting me get a free card on the turn. Thanks for playing DEB. I love your finger tattoo!

I want to mention one hand that I wasn’t even involved in but it really pissed me off about how it was played out. Two players saw a flop of A-10-4. I don’t know their names, so for the purpose of this story, I will call one player “Jerky” and the other “Duhmie”. Jerky bet $20.00 on the flop and Duhmie calls. When a jack hits the turn, Jerky bets the same $20.00 & Duhmie calls once again. Dito on the river when a four hits for a board of A-J-10-4-4. Jerky tabled Q10 and Duhmie turns over 109. Jerky then proceeds to drag the chips and was half way done stacking when somebody said it was a split pot.

 Do you know what Jerky said when he was made aware of the oversight? “The chips were pushed to me, oh well”. What a fucking asshole! After all, Duhmie DID turn his cards face up. The dealer had no idea what was going on so it was up to the table to point out the mistake. Cards play! If that was me that lost my chips to that fuck, I would have driven home, picked up my hybrid three iron, went back to the card room and then yelled “Four!!!” just before smacking Jerky across his face as hard as I could. How do you NOT admit that there was an oversight and chop the pot like most people would do? Instead, he intentionally fucked somebody over just because he is a greedy duchebag.

The really odd part of the whole thing is the fact that Duhmie didn’t contest the hand when he was told what happened. In fact, he didn’t say a damn thing in his defense AT ALL! It’s bullshit like this which makes me hate that place at times. Cheating, stealing, no good, mother fuckers.


Cumulative: 55:55, +$103.00


Friday, August 26, 2011

Eleventh Session of August

2:49, -$300.00

This session took place on 8/21/11 and it is now five days later. Because of my medical condition, I don’t remember a damn thing from that day so I will leave you with a joke.

 “What did the Chinese couple name their baby when they found out it was born retarded?”

 SUM TING WONG

 Cumulative: 48:17, -$3.00


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Ninth & Tenth Session of August

6:18, +$149.00

NAUTICA;
The first part of the day I went downtown to continue my four game win streak. There really isn’t too much to report regarding specific hand histories. However, I did happen to flop top pair and a flush draw on three different occasions, and each time all my chips were in the middle immediately because I kept getting re-raised. I was the winner two out of three times and that pretty much put me in the black for the day. I just realized that I wrote a whole paragraph and didn’t swear one time. Well, as famous chef Gordon Ramsay likes to say, “fuck me!”

It’s always interesting to see what kind of table dynamics I’m going to run into when I sit at a new table. I felt good about this one because there were a couple of action players present and I rely on them to get paid off at some point during the session. I can’t stand it when I find myself playing with old men regulars who waste a seat playing one hand an hour and holding onto their stacks like it’s their life savings. These are the same nits that bring little coolers containing a couple bologna sandwiches on wheat bread, a banana or apple and a thermos filled with hot coffee. Are you fucking kidding me? What do you think you are doing? camping???

The one action player’s name is Willie and he is a very tan construction worker. This fucker is a regular and plays almost every hand even in raised pots because he can’t ever get up the nerve to fold before seeing a flop. It’s amazing to watch the number of hands this guy enters, and then of course he always seems to catch a piece of the board and decides to stick around a little while longer. Willie is like a fly that keeps swarming around your head while you’re jogging or riding a bike because he just won’t go away. FYI, I have never jogged in my whole life but I have run from cops several times so I can kind of relate. Anyways, he is one of the players that paid me off when I converted a flopped pair and flush draw. It was funny because I was supposed to show my cards first but before I could do anything, he said he had ten high. I stood up out of my seat and responded, “I want to see both cards, I called you”. The funny thing about this statement was the fact that it wasn’t true because I pushed and he called me. I was just pissed off at him for not believing a move I made on him earlier. Anyhow, he finally showed his ace kicker and I tabled my flush. At that point the table told him I was wrong in wanting to see his cards first and he shot back, “take it easy buddy, what are you getting all huffy for?” It was at that point I started chuckling at what a retard I must have looked like and I had to bite my tongue in order to quit smiling. I turned red from embarrassment.

I was planning on staying for a while longer but Matt G. talked me into driving out to Terry’s for the cash game. I never gave it a thought before now because it takes an hour to get there and I didn’t figure a cash game would get going until late because of the tournament structure. I decided to go and cashed out around 8:30pm for a small profit.


5:23, +$439.00

TERRY’S;

So I drive the whole trip to Terry’s without making any major mistakes or wrong turns to speak of…until I pull into the development. Keep in mind that I have only been to the host’s house on one previous occasion which was after a golf outing and I was a little under the influence at that time. Anyways, the street is lined with cars and one driveway in particular is absolutely full. “We are here Matt, don’t they have a nice house. Why is there a lady in the front window on a laptop and some old duded reading a book?”. Matt responds, “That’s the losers lounge” I impressively answer, “Oh ya, you’re right.” I walk through the front door with my twelve pack of Corona and just as Matt is closing the door behind us, a lady walks across the room, turns her head to find two hoodlums in her foyer and without missing a beat, remarks, “You two are at the wrong house, you want the one across the street”. This is the second time today that I turned beat red. Did I really just fucking do that? We mumbled “sorry”, turn around and sheepishly walk down the driveway thinking to ourselves if we should say anything about this mishap.

Before I begin hand histories, it must be noted that I cannot be held responsible for inaccurate recollections because you see, I was a little under the weather at this venue and my memory was somehow affected. I’m looking to see a doctor about this medical condition, but until then, bear with me.

I buy in for $160.00 to the $1/$1 cash game, draw a card and realize that of all people in this group who I don’t want on my left, is on my fucking left! I was thinking to myself, what are the odds I can put my seat card back in the deck without anyone realizing it and then redraw? This is absolutely terrible! How the fuck am I supposed to play poker with CraZy, Fucking Psycho Maniac, Caveman on my left???  I’m so done. In fact, I thought of immediately tossing my $1000.00 onto the table, telling everyone good night, and then proceed back to the party across the street.

“You know what, I can’t quit. Fuck Caveman. I’ll just play tight and trap that mother fucker when I get a hand.” In theory, this strategy is beautiful, but in reality, it just ain’t gonna happen, wouldn’t be prudent. Guess what? Almost immediately, he called my $7.00 bet after I looked down at JJ. Mistake number one was not opening for $2000.00 or more. That would have possibly, perhaps, maybe gotten this maniac to fold. Probably not. Anyways, I c-bet $25.00 on a flop of 973 and surprisingly, Caveman calls. I can’t imagine the garbage this guy is staring at. A 6 hits the turn and I made it $40.00 This fucking psycho then pushes on me! “Seat change please!” I fold and Caveman said he turned a straight. I kinda believed him because it would have required two retard cards for him to hit it. 8-5? Lol

Not much later a second table opens and we draw for two players to move. Matt G. is one of them and I took a flying leap into his seat because Caveman was now on my immediate right. “Hi Caveman, I like you much better on my right.”

I also got involved in a hand with Nautica Brian. I opened for $10.00, Brian makes it $35.00, I raise to $100.00, Brian pushes and I insta call with AK. He flopped JJ and they hold. “Fuck me!”

I re-buy for $160.00, look down at AA, grab half my stack without counting and sloppily plop it down in the middle of the table. I thought this would entice customers because everybody knew I was steaming from the hand I just lost. Guess what? My maniac friend pushed on me! I call and my pair held up to his JJ. I just got all my chips back. Whew!

Caveman was not the only maniac at our table. No siree. You guys have got to play with Angie. She is an absolute maniac and loves to push chips around especially when she is drinking. Somebody should tell her not to play cards when she is drinking because she starts to play too loose and spews off chips. Maybe I should tell her. On one particular hand I make it $10.00 with ?? Colin raises to $60.00 and Angie pushes for $162.00! Really? I fold and Colin calls. I think Colin had AK and Angie had 9-2. She took down the pot when the board ran out 92Q4! I could be wrong in recounting this hand but my purpose is to point out how crazy the table was getting as the night went on.

It started getting late and we only had one orbit left to play. I was stuck for approximately $500.00 and was not happy. Nothing was really working for me. I doubled up Brad early on when he flopped a boat, Angie bluffed me off of my flush and Caveman was just out of control. In fact, I almost called the cops on their asses.

Now let me take a quote out of Mailman’s blog and direct you to the hand of the day which turned out to be the last hand of the evening. I get dealt 7-8 on the button and call Diablo's $10.00 raise along with Angie to see a flop of 5c-6h-9h, BINGO! I immediately think to myself that I have to play this hand slow so I can get paid and recoup some of my losses. Angie bets $30.00, Diablo makes it $90.00 and we both call the 3-bet. I can’t really remember what happened after this because of my medical condition but I think Angie checks the turn, Diablo pushes for about $70.00, and I push as well for an additional $260.00 Angie tanks and decides to call a bet of $330.00. To my amazement she tables a heart draw with one card to go. Holy shit, $330.00 with nine outs??? Diablo tables a set, I table my straight, the river is a brick and I take down a $1000.00 pot! Thanks for playing!

Cumulative: +$297.00, 45:68


Thursday, August 18, 2011

Eighth Session of August

3:02, +$144.00

You fuckers aren’t going to believe this shit. I got so bored at the cash game after three hours that I decided to enter the $75.00 donkament which started at 7:00pm. Yes, siree, I am a tournament specialist now! In all the years I have been frequenting Nautica as well as casino card rooms, this is only the second time in my life I voluntarily signed up for one of these things. Why, you ask? Who the fuck knows what got over me. I just felt the need to switch it up and create some excitement.

Let’s get the cash game replay out of the way first. I sat on my ass for two hours when I notice QQ looking at me. I bet out $15.00 in the cutoff after not causing any trouble for all this time and can you believe it? I got min raised by the king of NITS, Old Man John. Did he not see that I have been an empty seat until now? The nerve of that old fuck. Well, all is not lost because he checked it to me after witnessing A86 on the flop. Never show weakness to Grayday. NEVER! I bet out $50.00 and he insta folds. Thanks for playing old man! 

Twenty minutes later, I get 66 UTG and a late position seat raises to $9.00. How gay, what the fuck is that supposed to do? I call the fag raise and see a flop of 6s5h4h. Of course I check as do the other two players. A lovely 4 hits the turn and I set out some cheese by checking. The customer to my left bets out $25.00 and he gets two callers, including myself. “Please let somebody river a flush or straight, Please!” When a black ace hits, I have to bet because I really wanted more chips in the middle. I make it $75.00, get one caller and table my hand. Unfortunately, my customer was embarrassed for paying too much and didn’t show his hand. I think I maximized that pot and feel good how I played it.

As far as tournaments go, I don’t get it. My table played just retarded, constantly overvaluing their hands and pushing every opportunity they had. It was irritating, yet comical. I recognized all the players at my table because they all have previously showed up at my cash game from time to time. I now understand the argument that most cash game players can adjust to tournaments but not vise versa. A lot of those tourney donkeys chase anything and everything, call with bad odds, and push with weak pairs. It really was bingo poker and it just reinforced my self-hatred for that type of structure.

I realize there are good players out there that strive at both types of games. I also know that deeper stack structures with a larger field cater to better players. However, these fuckin low buy-in, turbo’s attract a lot of idiots who are looking to score big by taking retarded chances. I guarantee you it’s these same people that play slots or waste their hard earned money on Keno and scratch offs for hours on end just to hit a big payoff. Playing odds and playing good mean nothing to them because they are the same ones who make idiotic statements while pulling in a pot after their two outer hits the river…”ya gotta gamble sometime”, “I just felt it coming”, “I can’t win with good cards”. WTF
Needles to say, I played my “B” game throughout the donkament. I got lucky a few times, missed a few draws and ended up making a move when my stack got short but missed. I don’t have any regrets but you can bet your ass that I won’t be entering another one of those bingo games for quite a while. I’ll see you donkeys at the cash table!

Donkament; 2.25 hours, -$75.00. Busted round seven, 500/1000

Cumulative -$291.00, 34:27 (not counting the donkament)

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Seventh Session of August

3:09, +$19.00

It was a very boring table and I got to stare at garbage cards for three hours before I decided to get out of there. Even if I got a hand, there was no way in hell any of the nine passive, call stations I sat with were going to pay me off. On that note, I will not bore you any longer and instead I am posting a video for your viewing pleasure. This one is compliments of Diverjoules and Poker Grump.

Cumulative: -$435.00, 31:24 hours

Friday, August 12, 2011

Sixth Session of August

5:36, +$223.00

What a great day it is to be alive. I don’t have much to talk about in the way of hand histories, it’s more about the wrath I inflicted on someone who just pisses me the fuck off and always seems to have my number. You know what I’m talking about, right? Those people that make your blood pressure go up the instant they sit at your table, they get you out of your game, they get you to make idiotic decisions, and their mere presence causes you to be unaware that the action is on you. It’s a tough battle because you are on a mission to fuck them up but at the same time, the mental stress is screwing up your play.

My little victory is once again about WBD. You remember that fucker, right? Anyways, I walk into the beautiful, downtown Nautica establishment and I am the first person to put my reserve chip down so I pick seat five. You know what that duchebag did? He put his feygit ass keys down on seat six. I guarantee you it was intentional! He was still steaming from the other day when I made him show his garbage hand in front of everybody. I immediately thought to myself, “This muther f’er is NOT going to beat me at the psychological game, no fucking way! Stay calm, play my game, and give up small pots. I will have to be like Helmuth and set out the cheese when I catch a monster because he has position.”

The first three hands we tangled I started with big cards and he 3-bet me on the turn each time. The funny thing was, he showed me his cards after I folded and every time he had two pair. They were junky ass two pair like 85 and 104, but cards he called $15.00 raises preflop with. My first thought was that he is a total garbage collector. Secondly, what is his motivation to show me? Is he setting me up for a bluff/steal down the road? Regardless, I smelled a rat and had my guard up the whole time.

Now, if I may…I would like to indulge in my most memorable experience of the night. Did I mention what a great day it is? I’m dealt AcJc and raise to $15.00 in the small blind. Of course I get three fuckers to call me! Really? Jd10h9h hits the flop and I’m already thinking bad thoughts. There is $60.00 in the pot and I felt obligated to bet with top, top. I threw out $45.00 and WBD calls along with two other players. FUCK! It is such a wet board but thought I still might be slightly ahead until a 9s hits the turn. I thought to myself, “Look at the pickle you got yourself into now Grayday, you idiot!” If anybody knows me, I’m NOT going to check the turn. It’s just not in my blood, I’m Type B, which means BET! I splashed $45.00 in the middle, WBD makes it $100.00 and everybody else folds. I’m steaming because I put him on a garbage 94 and figured that this fuktard hit trips. I’m already looking for a volunteer so I can re-buy because I realized that I am too far in at this point. Anyways, I pushed for my last $72.00 and experienced the most beautiful feeling in the world when a jack finds it’s way on the river for a board of J1099J. WBD flopped the nut straight with KQ and I sucked out on him! Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

“In closing, I just want to thank all my fans who have supported me through thick and thin. I also want to thank the poker Gods for coming through when I needed your help the most. Lastly, I want to thank the fucktards that show up at my table religiously. If it wasn’t for you idiots, I wouldn’t get paid and would be forced to find a real job. Thank you! I love you all and I’ll see you fucktards tomorrow!”

Cumulative -$454.00 28:14 hours

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Fifth Session of August

2:26, +$723.00

Winner winner, chicken fuckin dinner!

I made all my money within thirty five minutes but stayed around another two hours to sign autographs. This fuckin game reminds me of golf. Some days I’ll play and shoot a lights out 97-99 for the round. The very next day, I’ll blow up and score a 10-11 on three holes for 115. WTF? I only got three hands to talk about because I hit, then got the fuck out before I did anything stupid.

The sixth hand dealt I look at AQ in BB and raise to $15.00. Me and my three friends see a flop of 7c7h6c and I call because I’m first to act and those fuckers will call any bet, anyways. It’s checked around and we see a Jc on the turn. At this point, I’m ready to visit the bar for a beer but my buddies checked around again! When a Jh hits the river I already knew what was going to happen. Everyone checked to the last person to act, but let me tell you about this particular fuktard first.

His name is Tony G. I don’t call him that, I call him WBD(World’s Biggest Duchebag). He is the biggest dick you will ever meet at Nautica and he has drawn out on my winning flops the last four sessions we played. Each time, he had the nerve to run his mouth while stacking chips. My only goal in life is to put him on tilt every time he is at my table and I got my chance today.

Going back to the last hand, WBD bets $40.00 on the river and I knew this idiot had nothing, but everybody checked it down and obviously showed weakness. I knew better and put him on two retard cards. I called and WBD says “I got ten high”. I responded, “I call, I wanna see your cards”. He says “why, you want to get information on me? I have been playing for forty years, you will never get information on me”. I replied, “I want everyone to see your junk. He tables 910o and mumbles smart ass comments for the next ten minutes before jumping to another table. Fuk ya! I put WBD on tilt! I peed my pants from all the excitement, then went to the bar for a beer.

4:30pm; I look at AcJc and call because I was UTG and figured the pot would get raised anyways. Sure enough, seat four makes it $12.00 and four of us see 4d6dAs on the flop. I checked because I know this guy will probably c-bet. Sure enough, he makes it $30.00 with $170.00 behind. It’s folded to me and I tanked because I’m either folding or raising. I thought for a second and raised to $70.00, hoping that he would fold his bluff or weak hand. He tanked, then pushed. Fuck, we both have an Ace! Is my kicker good or do I need help? Fuck it, I’m committed at this point and he didn’t have enough chips left anyways. He tables A10 and my hand holds up! Fuck ya bitches!

4:50; I make it $15.00 with KK and this other fuktard at my table jacks it up to $100.00! He is either related to, or good friends with James(Floor Manager) because they act like they’re fucking each other half the time. This kid also seems like he has O.C.D. because he ALWAYS sits in seat five and takes total control of the table. Scooping chips, making change, directing players, running his hole, etc. Anyways, he has a habit of overvaluing his hands and bullying players out of pots, so I knew what I had to do. I pushed for $540.00 and this idiot insta calls! Hahahahaha! He tables 1010 and I puckered up until the turn brought a lovely king. “Thanks for playing donk fuk, can I give you a couple stacks of reds for your re-buy until a volunteer can make change?”

FYI, Nautica is going to be open seven days a week starting sometime in September.

Cumulative -$677.00 22.38 hours.



Sunday, August 7, 2011

Fourth session of August

5:26; -$300.00

Five hours and twenty six minutes came down to two hands. You ask yourself, “what the fuck did Grayday do the rest of the time?”

1. fold
2. limp, fold
3. call, fold
4. look for somebody’s hand to punch!

It was painful. The top hands I got dealt in almost six hours of play consisted of 77, QsJs, J9, JJ, 1010, KhJh, 7c5c, Ad7d, AK, AQ, 44, AhKh. In every one of those hands, I either missed the flop or never got to see a flop because some duchebag decided to push with garbage. Now, assuming the dealers averaged 20 hands per hour, I folded approximately 86 fucking hands right from the get go! Are you kidding me? Now lets get down to the two hands that I played 5:26 hours for…

I get QQ and open for $25.00 to a straddled pot. I get one idiot to call me and we see a flop of 10c7c6h. I bet $75.00 and this fucker pushes for another $75.00! Really? Fuck you. I didn’t sit here for three hours to be pushed off a hand. I call and he shows a flush draw but happens to brick out. Take that you son of a bitch!

2-1/2 hours later(hahaha) I looked down at AA, open for $15.00 and get four mother fukin callers! I bet $50.00 on KdQd7h flop and still have one sticking around. Damnit…what’s he got AK? K with flush draw? Turn was 2s and I made it $150.00 thinking I would get him off his draw or pair. Ya, that worked. He pushed for $150.00 more which is all I had. WTF. There is $550.00 in the pot and I’m past the point of no return. I showed him my hand and asked “Are these any good? Should I call? Are you a dick?”. He rolled his eyes when I flashed my cards so my first impression was that he was weak because he looked surprised. I was already too deep in and called assuming I had outs if he was ahead. No dice. He flopped 777.

What a beautiful month this is turning into. Of all the times to publicly publish my sessions, I pick this one! I can’t imagine the flood of ball busting I am going to receive by posting this shit. Fuck you all in advance.

Cumulative -$1400.00 20:12 hours.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Third Session of August

4:01 -$171.00

I don’t want to sound like Doug Poker or nothing, but unfortunately, I have to post about another loser.

So once again, I walk into the fine, elegant Nautica cardroom in downtown Cleveland and take my seat in the #5 chair as I watch my group of friends march over, one by one, from the money cage with their $50.00 buy-ins.

Before we begin hand histories, I just want to say that my four hour visit was an exercise in futility. I actually wasn’t even 100% sure I knew what this word meant until I searched it under www.dictionary.com. What a perfect word for my session.

Anyways, let’s begin…

It is now one hour into smelling somebody’s stinky ass sitting next to me before I look down at 66. My best friend, Nautica Brian(4 seats to my left) opens for $12.00. How the hell can I refuse that bet, huh? I check to a flop of J43 and my best friend makes it $22.00. What am I going to do, fold? We check to a Q on the turn and he bets $35.00 when a 5 hits the river. J43Q5. mmmmmm. I put him more likely hitting the Q than J but also possibly missing both. I tanked but finally called for the chance to win one from my best friend Brian. He showed AJ. That son of a bitch!

5:50pm; Let me now brag about a small win because there are not many to talk about. UTG opens for $17.00 and gets three duhmies to call including myself(in the cutoff) with 66. It’s checked to me on 10105 board so I said to myself, “fuck it, they ain’t got shit” and slowly…very slowly bet $50.00. fold, fold, fold. Mine! +$51.00

6:40pm; Fifty minutes later I get another hand. Man, is this game fast paced or what? I bet $15.00 in cutoff with 1010 and get two callers. How nice. They check to me on J55 board so I gotta bet, right? There is no way in hell somebody would check raise me. I put in $35.00 and this mutherfucker makes it $100.00! I wonder what he has(sarcasm). I fold and this duchebag is just so proud to show his J10. Why are these idiots showing winning hands that they could have made triple if they knew how to trap? What are you worried about you duhmie? You just cost yourself chips you fucking retard. Thanks for helping me preserve my stack. “By the way, somebody shit themselves at my table. Who is it? Come clean”.

7:15pm; My boredom in this fast paced session influenced me to do meth for the last 30 minutes and just as I got done, I look down at 1010. I open for $15.00, while every call station at the table folds, and the dealer rakes $1.00! I thought she was my ex-wife for a second. “Is your name Melissa?”

7:40pm; I win another monster pot when I limped with 77 and saw a flop of JJ2. I made it $15.00 and got no callers. “Here Melissa, You want $5.00 for your rake?”

The next(and last) hand I played of the night; I get dealt the lovely 76 in the cutoff and there are seven of us that saw a flop of 69J. We all checked around to see a 10 on turn. It’s checked to the button who bets $15.00 and I believe six of us called his bet! Lol(whatever that means). River is a 7 and I move in for $82.00. These fuckers are either trapping, chasing or weak and I assumed the latter. I get one caller who happens to have a turned straight with Q8. You son of a bitch! So, as I am walking out, pissed off at the world, ready to punch somebody’s hand, I run into Brad Laidman at the cage, cashing out a rack of reds. “Brad, put your hand on the counter for a second…”

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

2nd Session of August

-$429.00 3:51 hours
Just so you all know off the get go, I’m pissed off and I’m going to tell it like I feel. So, if you are used to reading Mailman’s blogs and are easily offended, get the fuck out. Let’s get down to hand histories people.

I sat in that Nautica dump for an hour(other than limping or calling my big blind) before I got involved in this first beauty. I have KK, open for $15.00 and get three callers. I made it $40.00 on Kd6s8s because I will not slow play a fucking thing against those retards. One retard called to see a 2c on turn. Fuck that, I put the retard all in for $40.00 and the river is a spade. Fuck nuts shows Acs9s. Nice call duchebag. It is 5:20pm and I already have to add on $100.00.

I sit in the shithole an additional hour without playing a hand, before running into this train wreck…I posted $3.00 because I missed the blinds holding 910. UTG who is a fucking call station idiot and has “DEB” tattooed on his fagot finger raised to $12.00 and I call along with three other fuckers. We see 10c9c7d on flop and original raiser makes it $10.00. I know the DEB idiot missed that flop for fucking sure! I raise to $45.00, he calls, 2s on turn and I pushed for $85.00. Guess what…Ass fuck calls, club hits river and he shows AcQc. WTF. Retards cannot get away from draws to save their life. Fucking idiots.

It is now 6 fucking 30 and I re-bought to make it $500.00 in the game, just two hours into it! These last two hands I got involved with are just more fucking, but nothing too painful.

I’m in big blind with AQ and everyone limps to me. I smell weakness and make it $17.00. This dumb broad to my left makes it $40.00, guy to her left pushes for $45.00, I call. I put her on overcards or medium pair because she has been overvaluing her hands until this point. J44 on flop. I check, She checks. Really? She must have AK, AQ or medium pair. Turn is blank. Check, check. K on river, I check, she bets, I fold, she shows AK. I lost $45.00. I wasn’t too pissed.

Last hand I have AK and button makes it $15.00. He was one of the retards at the table so I put him on smaller paint cards or small pair. I pop it to $50.00, he calls and we see a flop of Jxx. He moves in out of position because he was so excited. I said, “Do you care to let me make a move first?” he looks at me and says “I’m sorry, my fault”. I fold and he shows QQ.

I took down one fucking hand all fucking night. Here it is for your listening enjoyment. UTG opens for $7.00 and gets me to call on my QJ. He makes it $20.00 to go on 10c9h4h, I put him all in for $22.00 more and take down the hand against his Ah4h when a queen hits the river for a net profit of $49.00. WTF people? I said fuck it I cashed out my last $71.00.

Cumulative; -$929.00 10:44 hours. Awesome.

Monday, August 1, 2011

First Session of August

The first hand I got involved with, I have 99 and open for $10.00 and get two callers. 1086 flop, I bet $25.00, Mick makes it $60.00, I fold and he shows AA.

Next big hand I get dealt A9d with an AA10 flop. I get it all in with short stack and they turn broadway with KQ for $42.00 more.

Next big hand I get A9h and see a flop of AJ7. Kennedy makes it $15.00 and I call to see a 9. I’m all in and run into AJ for $120.00. By 6:45 I have $500.00 in the game.

Last big hand of the night I make a move against krazy Mike who has been a bully all night but I made sure to move to his left. I have position and he opens for $12.00 like he has been doing all fucking night. I call with 57 or something like that. He bets the flop of 584? And I raise. He calls, I push on turn and he calls with 66.

He won that hand but his weakness is his bullshit “Colin” hero calls because he loses way more chips than he wins by trying to manufacture those gay ass bragging stories. He lost at least two big pots by calling obvious winners to his second best hand.

-$500.00 in 7 hours. Not a good start to my August goals. However, I feel like I played decent cards but did not have a lot of opportunity for exploiting. Thinking back, there were very few hands I would play differently and I do not regret my session overall. That is the bottom line in my mind. Onto the next one.