I had a dream that I won a spot on the Wheel of Fortune & it went something like this…
“I’m Pat Sajak & this is The Wheel of Fortune. Let’s
start off by introducing the contestants. Our first gentleman is Mike ‘HipHop’
Myers from Brooklyn , Ohio
“I win”
“Excuse me?”
“I win”
“Alrighty then. What are your hobbies?”
“I stick horseshoes up my ass”
“Let’s move on to our next contestant & his name is Brad
L. from Cleveland , Ohio
“My only real interest is to cram my liberal hippy views
down anybody’s throat who will listen to me.”
“Uh, sorry?”
“For example, I think we should all win prizes & money
on this game show. It’s not fair to have one winner. Let’s just chop it five
ways & call it a day. What do you think about that, Patty?”
“Our next contestant is “Eskimo” from North Olmsted
“Well, I’m listed in the Guinness Book of World Records”
“No kidding! What is the record you are credited with?”
“I have been on the most, non-repeating dates with the most
women in a single year”
“Are you proud of that?”
“Well, ya. I hold the world record, don’t I?”
“Standing next to Eskimo is Andrew ‘Caveman’ Revy. Can you
tell us something about yourself?”
“I sell overpriced goods to unsuspecting customers &
tell them it’s for a good cause”
“What do you do in your free time?”
“I play poker like a fucking idiot & convince myself
that I’m really good”
“Nice”
“Our last contestant is Jeff ‘Grayday’ Gray. Mr. Gray is
that a beer you are holding?”
“Absolutely not”
“Please put it behind the table.”
“Are you married?”
“No but I would really like it if Eskimo would give me some
of those girls numbers whom he has dated. How about it Eskimo?”
“I would really like to Grayday but unfortunately, every
single one of them have changed their number & I have no way of getting a
hold of them”
“What about an address or two?”
“This might sound hard to believe but every single one of
them have since moved to undisclosed locations as well”
“Damnit!”
The memory of my dream fast forwarded to the heart of the
contest & I recall the following letters for the clue, “Synonyms”. The
words happen to be FROG TOAD.
F_ _ _ T_ _ _ D
“Mr. Gray spun $600, what letter would you like?”
“I would like to solve the puzzle. FUCK TARD”
“Sorry, that is not it. Mike, go ahead & spin”
“$200. Would you like to buy a letter?”
“I want to solve it. I AM GREAT”
“Uh, that’s not it. Brad, you are next”
“For $1000, would you like to buy a letter?”
“I can’t afford it because I’m from a disadvantaged
environment. Can I get some government assistance so I’m able to purchase a
letter?”
“You have $1000 in front of you”
“I’m gonna use that for a big screen tv”
“Caveman, go ahead & spin. For $100, what would you like
to do?”
“I’ll give it a try. SHOP AT CONSTANTINO’S”
My alarm clock then went off at the crack of noon and I
never got too finish my dream. Oh well, I guess I can only imagine.
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