4:01 -$171.00
I don’t want to sound like Doug Poker or nothing, but unfortunately, I have to post about another loser.
So once again, I walk into the fine, elegant Nautica cardroom in downtown Cleveland and take my seat in the #5 chair as I watch my group of friends march over, one by one, from the money cage with their $50.00 buy-ins.
Before we begin hand histories, I just want to say that my four hour visit was an exercise in futility. I actually wasn’t even 100% sure I knew what this word meant until I searched it under www.dictionary.com. What a perfect word for my session.
Anyways, let’s begin…
It is now one hour into smelling somebody’s stinky ass sitting next to me before I look down at 66. My best friend, Nautica Brian(4 seats to my left) opens for $12.00. How the hell can I refuse that bet, huh? I check to a flop of J43 and my best friend makes it $22.00. What am I going to do, fold? We check to a Q on the turn and he bets $35.00 when a 5 hits the river. J43Q5. mmmmmm. I put him more likely hitting the Q than J but also possibly missing both. I tanked but finally called for the chance to win one from my best friend Brian. He showed AJ. That son of a bitch!
5:50pm; Let me now brag about a small win because there are not many to talk about. UTG opens for $17.00 and gets three duhmies to call including myself(in the cutoff) with 66. It’s checked to me on 10105 board so I said to myself, “fuck it, they ain’t got shit” and slowly…very slowly bet $50.00. fold, fold, fold. Mine! +$51.00
6:40pm; Fifty minutes later I get another hand. Man, is this game fast paced or what? I bet $15.00 in cutoff with 1010 and get two callers. How nice. They check to me on J55 board so I gotta bet, right? There is no way in hell somebody would check raise me. I put in $35.00 and this mutherfucker makes it $100.00! I wonder what he has(sarcasm). I fold and this duchebag is just so proud to show his J10. Why are these idiots showing winning hands that they could have made triple if they knew how to trap? What are you worried about you duhmie? You just cost yourself chips you fucking retard. Thanks for helping me preserve my stack. “By the way, somebody shit themselves at my table. Who is it? Come clean”.
7:15pm; My boredom in this fast paced session influenced me to do meth for the last 30 minutes and just as I got done, I look down at 1010. I open for $15.00, while every call station at the table folds, and the dealer rakes $1.00! I thought she was my ex-wife for a second. “Is your name Melissa?”
7:40pm; I win another monster pot when I limped with 77 and saw a flop of JJ2. I made it $15.00 and got no callers. “Here Melissa, You want $5.00 for your rake?”
The next(and last) hand I played of the night; I get dealt the lovely 76 in the cutoff and there are seven of us that saw a flop of 69J. We all checked around to see a 10 on turn. It’s checked to the button who bets $15.00 and I believe six of us called his bet! Lol(whatever that means). River is a 7 and I move in for $82.00. These fuckers are either trapping, chasing or weak and I assumed the latter. I get one caller who happens to have a turned straight with Q8. You son of a bitch! So, as I am walking out, pissed off at the world, ready to punch somebody’s hand, I run into Brad Laidman at the cage, cashing out a rack of reds. “Brad, put your hand on the counter for a second…”
I don’t want to sound like Doug Poker or nothing, but unfortunately, I have to post about another loser.
So once again, I walk into the fine, elegant Nautica cardroom in downtown Cleveland and take my seat in the #5 chair as I watch my group of friends march over, one by one, from the money cage with their $50.00 buy-ins.
Before we begin hand histories, I just want to say that my four hour visit was an exercise in futility. I actually wasn’t even 100% sure I knew what this word meant until I searched it under www.dictionary.com. What a perfect word for my session.
Anyways, let’s begin…
It is now one hour into smelling somebody’s stinky ass sitting next to me before I look down at 66. My best friend, Nautica Brian(4 seats to my left) opens for $12.00. How the hell can I refuse that bet, huh? I check to a flop of J43 and my best friend makes it $22.00. What am I going to do, fold? We check to a Q on the turn and he bets $35.00 when a 5 hits the river. J43Q5. mmmmmm. I put him more likely hitting the Q than J but also possibly missing both. I tanked but finally called for the chance to win one from my best friend Brian. He showed AJ. That son of a bitch!
5:50pm; Let me now brag about a small win because there are not many to talk about. UTG opens for $17.00 and gets three duhmies to call including myself(in the cutoff) with 66. It’s checked to me on 10105 board so I said to myself, “fuck it, they ain’t got shit” and slowly…very slowly bet $50.00. fold, fold, fold. Mine! +$51.00
6:40pm; Fifty minutes later I get another hand. Man, is this game fast paced or what? I bet $15.00 in cutoff with 1010 and get two callers. How nice. They check to me on J55 board so I gotta bet, right? There is no way in hell somebody would check raise me. I put in $35.00 and this mutherfucker makes it $100.00! I wonder what he has(sarcasm). I fold and this duchebag is just so proud to show his J10. Why are these idiots showing winning hands that they could have made triple if they knew how to trap? What are you worried about you duhmie? You just cost yourself chips you fucking retard. Thanks for helping me preserve my stack. “By the way, somebody shit themselves at my table. Who is it? Come clean”.
7:15pm; My boredom in this fast paced session influenced me to do meth for the last 30 minutes and just as I got done, I look down at 1010. I open for $15.00, while every call station at the table folds, and the dealer rakes $1.00! I thought she was my ex-wife for a second. “Is your name Melissa?”
7:40pm; I win another monster pot when I limped with 77 and saw a flop of JJ2. I made it $15.00 and got no callers. “Here Melissa, You want $5.00 for your rake?”
The next(and last) hand I played of the night; I get dealt the lovely 76 in the cutoff and there are seven of us that saw a flop of 69J. We all checked around to see a 10 on turn. It’s checked to the button who bets $15.00 and I believe six of us called his bet! Lol(whatever that means). River is a 7 and I move in for $82.00. These fuckers are either trapping, chasing or weak and I assumed the latter. I get one caller who happens to have a turned straight with Q8. You son of a bitch! So, as I am walking out, pissed off at the world, ready to punch somebody’s hand, I run into Brad Laidman at the cage, cashing out a rack of reds. “Brad, put your hand on the counter for a second…”
lol
ReplyDeleteWas this written to be intentionally funny, or were plastered when you wrote it?
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